


To show strength

by Fangirlmoon



Series: To build a home [13]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Autism, Autistic Spencer Reid, Caring Derek Morgan, Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid Friendship, Derek Morgan Needs a Hug, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Derek Morgan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:08:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29775279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlmoon/pseuds/Fangirlmoon
Summary: Five times Morgan cried because taking care of Reid became to much and the time he gets the greatest thank you he could ask for.You could read the chapters independently if this whole thing is to long for you:Chapter 1: When Morgan has a hard time convincing Reid to go on a case.Chapter 2: When they visit Morgan's mother for her birthday.Chapter 3: When Micheal is born.Chapter 4: When Meave dies.Chapter 5: When they celebrate Spencer's birthday.Chapter 6: His well deserved thank you.This is an AU in which Morgan and Reid share a house (as friends). The parts can be read independently.
Relationships: Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid
Series: To build a home [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2155380
Comments: 9
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

The first time it happens Morgan feels terrible for it. 

They just came back from a case,the one prior was only one day before this one and they had finished their routine together which consists of emptying and restocking their bags and after that Spencer needs his time alone. For Morgan time alone and time with Reid was the same thing but for him it wasn't and he respects that but only twenty minutes in, Morgan just wanted to start cooking so they could get to bed early, because damn was he tired, his phone went off. "Kid we got a new one." He calls up the stairs but no movement so he calls again but nothing. "Spencer we need to go." He says looking at the man sitting at the small desk in his room. "We've got a case." No answer. "Spencer?"

"Leave me alone."

"Hotch called we got a case. Get your ass up."

"No. Leave me alone." With a pencil in his hand he fills another word into the crossword puzzle, his leg moving up and down.

"Kid we need to go."

"I am not going."

"Spencer-"

"No and if I remember correctly I told you to leave me alone." He wasn't even looking at Morgan and just continued filling out the crossword puzzle. 

"I can push this back by ten minutes but that's it,man."

"Go please." Defeated Morgan closes the door and walks down the stairs and then started to come up with excuses. After five minutes not answering it would be 'Sorry Hotch I was just in the basement, no service there' after ten 'I was in the shower' after fifteen 'Sorry my phone died and I haven't noticed' same for twenty but then he just went out of excuses and walked back up to Reid again. 

"We seriously gotta go." Spencer again ignores him. "Just take the damn quiz book with you."

"Reid?" After he still doesn't get an answer he takes the last steps towards the desk and tries to take the book but Spencer puts his hands on it holding it in place. "Spencer we have to go." 

"I am not going." He hits Morgan's hand with a closed fist ones. 

"Hey you hurt me." Derek tells him,it didn't hurt much really but sometimes Spencer does these things by accident and it helps to then remind him of that. Spencer rationally knows of course but that it isn't the right thing to do it rarely ever happens.

"You are trying to take away my book and alone time."

"Kid it's not my decision to make." There is much he would give for two days or even one day of just sleep in his own bed. 

"It's still alone time. It's alone time for another 35 minutes." He points at the small white clock on his desk. "You've interrupted it twice."

"Listen two me, we have a case, this is out of my hands."

"Not now." He is too tired for this. 

"Please Spencer." And so damn unsure what to do. Spencer was right it was his time alone and he needs it but cases have the priority here. "We have to cut it short,please come with me." He watches Spencer write between his hands. "Spencer?" 

"Move your hand a little bit." It was probably the tiredness and the exhausting and everything but he just started crying. Tears silently running down his face, while Spencer keeps solving the crossword puzzle and then looking up to him drawing attention to the fact that the doorbell just rang and going back to his puzzle. 

Morgan whips his tears away and was greeted by Hotch and Rossi standing in front of the door. "We have a case."

"I know, we have a situation so- I am sorry." 

"What's wrong?" Hotch questions, it's no secret that Derek just cried both men could see it in his eyes. 

"He has his one and a half hour of time were he can be alone and he- he can't go right now."

"Can I talk to him?"

"Try your luck. He is in his room." Hotch leaves them to it and walks up the old stairs and gently knocks at the door and then walks in. 

"Hey what are you doing?" 

"Spending time alone which is not really working because I have been interrupted for the third time now. But I solved another one." He holds up his book, Rossi got it for him, it was made for people with higher intelligence but who was he kidding? The kid could still easily solve them. 

"That's great but I really need you to follow me right now."

"I want to be left alone."

"I am sorry Spencer but I promise you that we will make everything quiet with your headphones and we will fly for almost 5 hours and you can have the first 4 hours to do all the things in this book, you can have the seat with the table in the back and no one will bother you."

Meanwhile Morgan threw on his jacket and grabbed their two bags. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah just tired."

"Do you ever catch a break?" Rossi asks.

"This is my break."

"A real break, without worry without having to take care of someone."

"I don't need it." He tells him and takes a book from the stack with the unread ones and packs it into his bag. "Looks like Hotch was successful."


	2. Chapter 2

Everything about this was neatly planned. They would fly on Thursday,would stay at Morgan's old home till Saturdag and then fly home and on Friday they would celebrate the birthday of his mother. It was actually Desiree's idea to bring Spencer and his mother was quickly all over the moon with the idea. Spencer wasn't in the beginning but after some time had changed his mind and was looking forward to it.

"Okay next stop is the airport." He reads out to Reid, they had made a list on Morgan's phone that Spencer could tick whenever they are one step further. Morgan was begging for the flight to be on time, normally they only rush through the airport to their jet but now it's the same waiting and hoping to be on time as it is for everybody else. 

Security went not surprisingly fine, after all no one really wants to argue with two FBI Agents and so they were seated now and waiting for their flight to get called up. "You okay?"

"Yes." And he really looks like he means it, a big smile on his face while he looks at Morgan. 

"Okay, pretty boy." Spencer wasn't even reading just looking around and rambling and even the plane ride with a little bit of troubles with the noise went fine. It's almost too smoothly. 

"Tick the next box." With a grin Spencer ticks the field "getting our Luggage" and then reads out the next one.

"Finding Sarah"

"Then let's do this. She said she will meet us at the north entrance and I wrote her when we landed so she should be here in a few minutes." She was a little bit late but nothing worry about. She greeted her brother with a long hug and then turned her attention to Spencer who quickly interrupted the conversation by saying that they need to tick another box. "We can do that." Morgan pulls out his phone and opens his notes and Reid does what he needed to do. 

"Next and final step is driving to your mom's house." 

"That I can help you guys with." Sarah guides them through the parking lot towards the car and Spencer gets into the backseat while Derek is riding shotgun and hopes that Spencer will also be fine when they finished the list. "So Spencer have you been here before? I mean without a case."

"No."

"Well maybe we have time to show you the city." 

"That would be nice although I think I've seen a lot on the cases. We have been here three times already." It aren't the cases the team likes to think back to. "Did you know that the first open-heart surgery was performed in Chicago? Back in 1983 the patient was able to recover after a stab wound near his heart in two months."

"Really?"

"Yes, the first televised presidential debate was also aired from Chicago." 

"When was that?" Sarah asks.

"1960. Many believe this got John F. Kennedy the win over Richard Nixon." 

"Well it is never to late to learn about your hometown." During the ride Morgan was happily chatting with his sister, it was a tradition,they never break. Even if there is a case these are the three days in the year he leaves to be with his family. He had never broken that promise before. He will stay in his old room and Sarah will bring her husband and Desiree her fiancee for dinner this evening and tomorrow for the celebration with extended family and Morgan was absolutely thrilled about it. As a family who went through what they did, a bond like this was hardly able to break and he loved being around them and that Spencer was also there made it even better. "I just remember you have been at our house before."

"That's indeed true." They get out and Spencer nervously looks at Morgan before he realizes what he wants and hands him the phone to tick the last box. "And now?"

"We grab our luggage and we say hello. Desiree and Nick will arrive later for dinner. C'mon." With a hand on Spencer's back he guides him into the house were a smile immediately flashed over his face when she saw his mother. "I missed you." He puts his bag down and pulls her into a tight hug. 

"Then show your face around here more often."

"I am not gonna promise that and you know it. But I bought you a gift." He gestured towards Reid who looks at him disturbed. 

"I am not the gift. You said you got-"

"Don't tell her. I was joking." 

"I see nothing has changed between you two since the last time I saw you Spencer." 

"We moved in together." He tells he proudly. 

"Don't I already know it." She quickly puts her hand on Spencer's arm and then tells them to bring up their stuff. 

"My Mom never changed much about this room." Morgan tells him as he switches the light on. "I am glad my sisters still live in the city so she isn't all alone." Carefully Spencer inspects the room. "No profiling."

"I am not. I just didn't type you for a Lego guy." Curious Spencer pulls the box out of the shelf. 

"At least I didn't read valentines poem at five years old."

"I don't see anything wrong about it." 

"Right." He let's Spencer put the box onto his old desk and take out a small robotic locking dinosaurs that he build ones and then Spencer sits down and starts searching for fitting pieces to build whatever was on his mind. "Don't get to lost in that okay?" Careful he lays his hands on Spencer's shoulders watching him stack a few bricks. "You never played with it did you?"

"Why would I? And I am not playing I am just trying something out." 

"Alright is it okay if I leave you to it for a few minutes and the you come down?"

"Yes I will be right there." After all Spencer had the flight and the meeting of his mother and sister behind him so some time alone is probably something he needs right now anyway. 

"Were did you leave Spencer?"

"In my room he will come back down in a few." He tells Sarah. They don't talk often but when they do they deeply enjoy it and they are mostly long conversations. If he calls Desiree or she calls him, they are mostly shorter ones but they happen more often and they write a lot. "What am I smelling here?"

"Don't get you hands on this yet Derek you can wait like everyone else." Fran tells her son as his hand hovers over the fresh bread. 

"C'mon don't you wanna spoil your baby boy." Annoyed she turns around well knowing he will grab what he wants and who would she be if she wouldn't be okay with it. She loves spoiling him to death when ever he sees him. She would cook him a five-course meal if he would ask her too. "When is Daniel stepping by?" Morgan asks Sarah with an half full mouth.

"He will be there at six."

"And Nick and Desiree?"

"Do you read any text messages? At six." 

"To be honest you guys write a lot of unnecessary stuff in the group chat." 

"Derek if you would read it regularly you would be able to keep up and find it necessary." Fran tells him putting a pot into the oven. "Do you want to show Spencer the city? You still got time."

"I want to spend time with you. I can spend time with him every day." 

"Derek-"

"Nah this is not up to debate."

"Then I wish to go to the old bookstore at the sixth." Morgan shots his mom a look that asks if she is serious right now and she just shrugs and smiles at him. "I will just finish this up here and then I am forced to take a break anyway." 

"I will tell him then." When he got up Spencer was still building legos. "We are going down to a bookstore that has been here since I can think."

"Have fun."

"With you. C'mon." Immediately Spencer forgets about the Lego and follows him down the stairs and on his way over he can hardly keep his excitement to himself and Morgan was enjoying how happy the trip seems to make him. Both of them had needed some time of and if he can connect it to spending time with his family he was more than open to it.   
When they stepped into the old store Spencer flapped his hands in excitement ones before forcing himself to hold them still when he saw the owner. "Don't. It's okay."

"No it's weird." It didn't take long and Spencer was lost between the book shelves scanning them for books he hasn't read but wants to while Morgan walks next to his mother. He had started to read more since he lives with Reid but it is not as much as Reid or even his mother reads but if it makes them both happy he can spend hours in here. When they were done Morgan insisted on paying and then carried the stack home for them. He knew Reid would have finished these by the time they leave and he was right by the time they had the table sat he had his nose buried in a book not acknowledging what was happening around him. 

"There you are." With a wide smile he pulls his sister into a hug and then greets her fiancee. "Good to see you again."

"You too,Derek." The man let's go of his hand and follows them in into the kitchen. "Oh I think we haven't met yet." To Nick surprise Spencer only quickly shot up a glance and the went back to his book. 

"Pretty boy don't you want to introduce yourself?" Without hesitation he shakes his head and when Daniel also joins them a few minutes later Morgan starts to see the signs that this is to much for him. "C'mon we go to the living room for a moment." He doesn't know why he is so nervous all of the sudden,he did this numerous times before. Maybe it is because he is afraid of what his family will think if he can't prevent that something happens or that they will think that he is not the right person for this.   
Morgan sits down on the couch, he always loved it because it is so wide and soft. "Come here." To his surprise Spencer sits down in Morgan's lap, leaning his side against his chest and tugging his head against his neck, the book still in his hand as Morgan pulls up his legs making him more comfortable. "All right I got you." He puts one arm under the book and placing the hand at his side holding him close, the other on his ears so Reid can feel like he is shielded from the world. Morgan had witnessed him doing that with Jackets or blankets a few times but mostly he comes to Morgan with that especially when they are in a crowded place. "Can you tell me what you are reading there, kid?"

"It's a russian romance novel."

"Russian?"

"Yes." 

"You found that in that store?"

"Yes. I am pretty sure the owner didn't know the worth of it."

"Got yourself a pretty good deal then huh?"

"Yes." They stayed like this till Desiree came into the room announcing that the food is done and smiling at the scene fondly. "Can we eat too?"

"Of course,you haven't eaten all day it's about time." Quickly they made their way back into the dining room were Reid gets seated next to Morgan who puts the book on the floor between them in case Spencer needs it and with a little bit of warming up he got into the conversation of the others. 

"Spencer you are not prepared to meet the rest of us tomorrow." Desiree warns him and he looks confused at Morgan.

"What do you mean the rest of us?"

"Did Morgan not tell you?" Guilty he rubs his temples. 

"Tell me what?"

"Tomorrow my aunts and uncles with my cousins step by."

"Oh."

"It was spontaneous." Intensified Spencer looks at Morgan. "What?"

"You lied your blink rate speed up." And the he went back to eating his food.

"Hey no profiling."

"And no lying." 

"I am sorry." With hesitation he tucks a strain back behind Spencer's ear but it seemed fine and not like the lie was something that hurt him. After dinner Spencer helped clearing the table and offered to put the stuff in the dishwasher. As long as he doesn't have to clean the dishes by hand, he had told Fran he could help her with whatever she wants but he orders him back to the table saying she has three grown children to take care of this. So Sarah and Morgan get up and take care of the kitchen with her and Spencer sits back down with the others but quickly picks up his book again. 

"So you work with Derek?" Nick asks and Spencer nods not looking up.

"For how long?"

"Seven years, three months and 21 days." 

"Well that is specific." Daniel comments but Reid doesn't answer anything to that and turns the page to keep reading and was glad when Morgan asked him to get ready for bed and that he would show him were paper and pen are so he can write his daily letter to his mom. 

"Good I will leave you alone then alright?" He asks as Spencer sits down at the desk, dressed in his pyjamas and his hair smelling like his shampoo. 

"Will you not sleep here with me?"

"I will but I will just go down first so I can spend some time with them. You can just go to sleep or when you want to come down again you can do that too."

"I will just write my letter and then-" Cheaply he looks at the legos at the end of the desk. 

"You do that. There are more in the shelf over there in the dark blue box." 

But when he came up to his room Spencer was already curled up on top of his bed and fast asleep so Morgan pulls the blanket out from underneath him and climps over since Spencer doesn't like sleeping at the wall and then pulling him close on the small bed. Maybe he should have offered to stay in Sarah's room. Somehow if he had his high school sweetheart over this bed seemed bigger.

He woke up to Reid trying to get more contact and pressing himself between Morgan's arms and by the still darkness outside he could tell it was not morning yet. "What's wrong?" He whispers.

"Dream."

"What happened?"

"Everything went wrong. Everything was wrong." 

"In what scenario?" He pressed Reid against himself providing pressure. 

"Your mom's birthday. Everything was wrong. To small. No plan."

"I promise you we do this for years there is enough space downstairs. It won't be too crowded." Spencer has this often. Dreaming one day or two days before a big event that he over sleeps, or the day just skips itself or that his morning routine suddenly takes way to long and he is late or that everything doesn't work out. 

"Don't wanna mess this up."

"You won't and you have no responsibilities tomorrow." 

Desiree and Nick had stayed the night too after they both drunk more than enough so she was the one knocking at Morgans door to get him downstairs to prepare the cake. He was laying on his stomach his head on Spencer's chest who started whimpering when he moved. "I'll be right back." 

"Car."

"What?"

"Need to fill the car."

"Hey no, you are still confused, you were dreaming no car just me." 

"Safe them, car."

"No hey it's okay give yourself a minute." Desiree leaves him to it and starts preparing the table with her fiancee when her Brother came down.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing what can I help you with?" Internally he hoped Spencer was really back to sleep and that he betters after that. 

"Get the cheese and salami." He starts setting the table, it was almost the best thing about the birthday. The long breakfast with cake, the fresh bakeries and toast with scrambled eggs. "Are Sarah and Daniel coming?"

"Yes, they should be here in a few." Just when the door rang Spencer came downstairs, still dresses in his pyjamas, his eyes and skin of his cheeks red and looking confused.

"What's wrong?" Morgan dropped what he was doing and walked towards him. 

"Plan. I need a plan."

"We can make one, c'mon." He excuses himself from the others and guides Spencer back up the stairs. "Let's go to the bathroom first, we start like you would at home too okay?" Neatly they write every step down that had to be done till breakfast. "It's okay, hey, deep breaths." Frustrated Spencer hits his tight while Morgan bottoms up Spencer's shirt and hands him his pants. "I will need your help here, you can do this." This is gonna be an exhausting day he watches Spencer get up and in his trousers shoving in his shirt and then grabbing his sweater vest after reading the list again. 

"We are done."

"Can we go downstairs?"

"Yes." He seems to be okay now so Morgan reminds him to grab a book and then guides him down. It's tradition that his mother stays in bed still one of the kids get her. "What happens now?" Spencer asks curious as Morgan guides him down in a chair. 

"Desiree is going to get my mom and then we will sing." Morgan stays behind Morgan's chair and the moment they start singing moves his hands over his ears before going over to congratulate his mother with a hug and Spencer does it with a tiny wave saying:"Happy Birthday Mrs Morgan."

"Oh sweetheart, Fran is perfectly fine." They went on with burying her in gifts while Spencer quietly reads his book and moves around a lot and Morgan scoles himself for not bringing his weighted blanket. He puts his arm on the rest of Spencer's chair and starts moving his fingers through his hairs and after a while Spencer hums to himself. He doesn't eat to breakfast with them but he never does so it's nothing Morgan worries about. "You want some coffee Spencer?" Fran asks as he saw the boy sitting there with nothing on his plate or in his cup. 

"That would be nice." He closes the book in his lap and let's Daniel hand him the can. "The average person in the US drinks three cups per day." Spencer tells them, Morgan knew it was his way of saying thank you.

"You want to try some food too?" Morgan asks insecure if this is good. 

"Yes." 

"Alright what do you want to try?" They went with toast with creame cheese and Morgan was glad to get out of the house with him for a few minutes to get a Postage stamp because the minute they were back they were tight into helping preparing everything for the celebration and Spencer did everything he was asked. Setting the plates on the table, putting the ashtrays on the two stand up tables outside and then spreading glasses in the dining and living room so guest could sit or stand and drink wherever they want. Everytime he did finish something he comes back into the kitchen and was a little bit lost when they told him that everything was done until Sarah picked up on it. "You can look if Daniel and Derek need your help outside by the grill." They didn't but being near Morgan made him feel safe, like if he would screw something up now, Morgan would warn him.

"Can you get us some water please?" Daniel asks and Spencer goes to get the water but was on his way over interrupted by Sarah asking him to get wine bottles out of the basement and then he keeps going to the fridge, for the water,but Fran asks him to try the salat dressing and when he looks up Sarah comes in and apologizes for not telling him were the basement is but he knows were it is he just didn't have the time and there are to many people talking and crowding him and eventually he feels a cold ice pack on his neck and he looks at Morgan who was holding it. 

"Slow breaths it's okay." Spencer tries focussing on the cold in his neck and the hand on his chest. "That was good but you gotta try and keep that up."

"Hurts."

"I know it will get better." Exhausted he bows his head but Morgan pushes it up again. "I know but you have to breath." Spencer slurs something Morgan doesn't understand and eventually he gets him calm enough to breath properly. "Alright, let's get you up to my room for a few minutes okay?"

"The birthday" Spencer mumbles as Morgan puts a blanket over him.

"Not important right now."

"It is." His words were more slurred than actually pronounced. "Downstairs."

"What do you say we stay here for a few minutes and then we go back downstairs." Spencer agrees and lets Morgan get into the bed with him and just like Morgan had expected he was asleep in less than ten minutes and the older men sneaks out of the room to help downstairs.

"How is he?" Desiree asks worried.

"Tired he will be fine don't worry." It was no surprise that the others are shaken up, Sarah had got him from the backyard and when he was in the kitchen Spencer was sitting on the ground breathing heavily. Although there is a huge difference between Meltdown and Panic Attack. 

"Does that happen-" Fran starts but Morgen interrupts her by putting his hands on her arms. 

"We know how to deal with it it's okay." Slowly the house starts to fill with guest and Morgan eventually went up to check on Spencer who agreed to accompany him downstairs intimidated seeking contact to Morgan and eventually a sob escaped his mouth and Morgan could immediately feel a heat wave rushing through his own body. "What's wrong?" With his free hand he pulls a chair back from the table making him sit in it and quickly realizes that he is overwhelmed by the noises and people. "I will get you your headphones." Nervous he reaches for Nick's arm pulling him over. "Nick is going to stay with you okay? I will ne right back." The moment he let's go of Spencer the tears get more and he tries to get the contact back. "Give me a second." Morgan leaves them alone getting the headphones and when he comes back, Spencer was hitting his head over and over again. "I am gonna put your ear buds in." He reaches between his arm and head and puts the one at the right side in before turning his head a little bit and doing the same on the left. "That's good, give it a moment." He says eventhough Spencer can probably not hear him and keeps stimming by bringing his fist up to his head. Nick had got the people out of the room into the garden and eventhough they can still see them through the glass this was a lot of better. Not having people around who talk and just want to know it better. Eventually, after long twenty minutes, the hitting stops and he goes to over to playing with Morgan's fingers while sniffing quietly, Morgan was squatting down in front of the chair and when he was sure that Reid was calmed down enough for this he helped him up and got him to his room. "It's alright, you are okay." Spencer let's Morgan help him to sit down and to get out of his shoes.

"Home."

"We will fly home tomorrow."

"Please." 

"It's okay we will get through the night and in the morning we fly home." He hugs Reid pulling him close. 

"I don't like it here."

"I know kid,I am sorry."

"I like your mom and siblings but not the others."

"I know they can be a little bit much sometimes." Morgan breathes in deeply ones. "C'mon why don't we keep building that house you started."

"I really want to go home."

"We planned this and we are gonna stick to it." 

"Please." Spencer mumbles quietly but Morgan doesn't change it instead gets Spencer convinced they can just stay in this room and slowly Spencer got lost in building legos, not talking to Morgan and having his earbuds back in so eventually Morgan went back down drinking his bear quietly while having half hearted conversation and going up every ones in a while to check on him. It wasn't untypical that Spencer talks to himself, repeating words or sentence and he was now. "Brick,colour, place." Over and over again. When he comes down after checking on him after the last guest apart from his siblings with sprouse and fiancee had left his Mother was waiting in the kitchen.

"How is he?" And he just broke into tears letting his mother pull him down by his neck and burying his face in hers. "Oh baby."

"I can't help him."

"Oh I think you already do." He sobs again and she holds her baby, sroking his back till he eventually had finished crying, stands up straight again and she reaches up to wipe his tears away. "I am proud of you. You are more than a mother could ever dream of."


	3. Chapter 3

Morgan can handle Meltdowns, they are somehow never the same and sometimes it's hard communicating what Spencer needs and wants but what be can't handle is him being aggressive during it.  
It doesn't happen often, mostly he harms himself but sometimes, if Morgan is crowding him, or touching him when he doesn't want to during one he tries to signal what he wants by hurting him. And if that happens, Morgan had promised him to get up and leave but for Morgan that is harder than he had expected in the beginnings. "Be careful you are hurting me." Spencer doesn't stop and brings his fist up to Morgans shoulder over and over again, and Morgan moves back causing Spencer to kick him ones weakly so he gets up and moves out of the room but standing in the hallway till he eventually hears Spencer getting up and looking for him. "You okay?"

"No."

"What do you need?" Without hesitation Spencer leans against Morgan. "Can I hug you?"

"Yes." So Morgan does and wraps his arms around him. 

"Do you want to tell me what is wrong?"

"I don't know."

"Are you nervous about something?" 

"I don't know." 

"How nervous are you?"

"4" 1 is calm and 5 is very nervous and it has to change.

"That's very nervous to me don't you think. So what's making you nervous? Is there something important tomorrow?" 

"Tomorrow is the date JJ's child is suppose to be born."

"That's a good reason to be nervous. But it's more excitement don't you think?" 

"Nearly 120,000 babies are affected by Birth defects each year. 800 women around the world die every day during childbirth."

"You know JJ. She is gonna do that like nothing happened and will walk around next week looking like an angel."

"That has nothing to do with JJ!" He yells and Morgan immediately lets go. "It doesn't make a difference. She- She- She lost-" He slams his hand over his mouth. 

"She what?"

"I can't tell you. Don't make me tell you. I am not allowed to tell." Panicking he backs up. "You can't tell anyone. She trusted me. I don't- I am not allowed to tell."

"I am not making you tell me." Eventhough he really wanted to know because JJ was like a sister to him and if happened what Spencer had hinted at, she went through hell without him noticing. "Come here, it's okay." 

"No,what do I do if JJ or- or the baby isn't healthy?"

"Then we can deal with that then, but I think someone is really nervous about something because he is to informed for his own good. It is gonna be okay." Whenever Morgan's phone makes a noise Spencer sits up and looks on the screen, getting frustrated more and more till eventually her name pops up on the lockscreen and he immediately shakes Morgan awake. 

"She wrote something!" Tired Morgan takes the phone and unlocks it. "And?"

"She wrote something in the group chat answering a question from Garcia. Nothing about the kid or her wellbeing."

"Can you ask?" Why does he even have his own phone. 'Spencer asks how you and the kid are doing?' He pulls Spencer back down onto his chest waiting for the answer.

'Everything is fine, we will see each other at the office:)'

"See?"

"Can we get up?"

"It's four am"

"I can't sleep anymore." 

"Spencer-" He presses his head against his chest again. 

"No don't"

"It's okay, you are okay" Spencer tries to fight Morgan's hold a moment longer and then stays quiet. Derek doesn't know if he actually fell asleep because he did so he woke up by Spencer's alarm clock at five thirty. 

Seeing JJ at the office made Spencer stumble over his words and a little bit out of breath. "You want to feel? He is kicking-"

"Did you say he?" He asks sceptical and JJ winks at him before leaning closely and whispering into his ear. 

"You are getting another godson." His face lit up with the smile he only gets when JJ's kids are evolved he had it last when he found out she is pregnant. Gently she takes his hand in hers and places it on her belly holding it down as he squirts with his eyes at the motion he can feel with his fingers. The thought that there is something growing and living inside her still freaks him out. 

"Let go." She does and waits for the million question she can see flying around in his head. "Does it hurt already?"

"It does but nothing that is concerning. It would be more concerning if it didn't." 

"When are you going to the hospital?"

"If the labor pain gets regularly." They stay quiet for a moment,Spencer pressing his lips together to suppress his smile.

"Another godson." 

"Another godson." She assures him. 

"To 95%"

"If it isn't a godson it will be your first goddaughter." The moment he had found out JJ was pregnant again he became protective of her, no box was light enough to carry, no person he doesn't know far away enough. Even when Hotch accidentally pushed her aside Spencer got between them and glared at his superior for the next hours. She never heard from him that he loves her, or even likes her, Spencer was simply never saying those things even if the others did to him but her pregnancies have showed her.   
Everytime she moves or she makes a noise his head jerks up and he asks if everything is okay and then she let's him write down when there is a pain that could be labor pain but there were always huge distances between those and nothing to get worried or stressed out about. "Thank you for the note and we will see each other tomorrow."

"Should you really be coming in tomorrow?"

"Yes and if the baby comes while I am here we all know what to do, it went perfectly last time it will be this time."

"But every mom stays home."

"Not every mom has such a great work family and I feel really good it doesn't hurt him that I am here and doing some paperwork. And I am not here the full day, its four and I am already heading out." 

"Do you want me to drive?"

"Will is picking me up,I haven't been driving for weeks now remember?" With a smile he nudges his nose. "You want to bring me downstairs?"

"Yes!" He grabs his badge and wallet and happily walks next to her. Pressing the elevator button and shooting a death glare at the Agent with them in the elevator,who didn't even know what was going on and then waiting with her outside for Will. "You are late. This isn't nice." 

"I am sorry Spence, I had to wrap a few things up at the precinct."

"She is carrying your baby."

"And I love her dearly for it." He leans down to kiss her. "And I am very grateful that you waited with her." Will was by no meaning offended by what Spencer had said. He never could be, Spence was always kind and loving to him and this was just his way of making sure JJ is okay and how could he be mad at someone who does that? 

"No problem." He hands him her bag. "Call me if something happens."

"We will." Spencer kept the secret for good an hour and then went to Morgan's office closing the door behind him and announcing that he has to tell Morgan something important and then proceeds to walk to the mans chair,cupping his ear with his hands and then whispering:"JJ's baby is to 95% a boy." 

"How did you find that out?" Morgan asks animated.

"She told me by accident." 

"So you are getting another godson." Spencer slams his hand over Morgan's mouth. 

"Quiet it's a secret." Teasingly Morgan licks his hand making Spencer withdrawing his hand disgusted and Morgan realizes he made a mistake.

"Let's just go and wash it off."

"Did you just lick my hand?"

"Yes I am sorry. C'mon." 

"Why would you- that's disgusting."

"I know I am sorry I was just messing around." He felt incredibly guilty for ruining the moment as he led Spencer out of the office in the direction of the bathroom. "Breath kid." He opened the door ignoring the other Agent in the room,as he starts the water and Spencer starts washing his hands while Morgan leans against the sink next to him. "Hey I am sorry." Gently he pulls at Spencer's Sweater vest. 

"Don't lick stuff and especially not my hand."

"I won't do it again, Dr." Morgan could see the other Agent in the room being confused by the conversation but trying not to show it. "What do you say we get home early?"

"No." Dramatically Morgan slaps his own cheek. "Why are you trying so hard to cheer me up all day? I am fine."

"Just making sure you actually are. How is the nervousness?"

"A three. She seems okay but she is now also late."

"That happens." 

Morgan had to drive her to the hospital a day later and of course the team followed seating themselves in the waiting room waiting for updates and then Will finally showed up and Morgan could finally leave JJ because he was really not ready to get her through this. She loves her with his whole heart but that is were the friendship ends.   
To be honest, if Will really hadn't showed up,he would not have left her side but now he is walking to the waiting room preparing to wait with the others and was greeted by Spencer who was nervously moving his leg up and down his fingers taping against his head. Henry was talking to him but probably didn't get an answer. Morgan was was everytime amazed by how Henry and Spencer get along, with whatever Spencer is struggling Henry seems to pick up on it. "How is mom?"

"Your mom is doing an amazing job."

"Is she in a lot of pain?" 

"It hurts but she will be fine." Derek won't be the one telling him that women go through hell for this. 

"Henry what do you say we get something from the vending machine in the lobby?" Rossi offers holding his hand out and Henry looks at Spencer ones before agreeing. 

"Is Spence okay?" He asks as the two were out of the room.

"For Spencer its really bright and loud in here. And he is nervous about your new sibling." 

"Let's take a walk too, get some fresh air for a second." Morgan suggested leaning down to loosen Spencer's tie. 

"No." 

"C'mon it will be cold outside and more quiet than it is in here." 

"I will stay." He starts solving his magic cube that Hotch had grabbed from his desk because Morgan didn't even remember to pack his own phone. So much about being trained to act under high pressure.

When Henry came back he went straight to Spencer offering his chocolate to him but he put a hand on the kid's stomach and gently showed him away and the boy knew that it meant to leave him alone. They had done it this way since he was a toddler. This gesture meant that his godfather can't play with him right now. It wasn't even discussed it was just something he was conditioned to over the time so he sat down next to Spencer and watched him solving the magic cube over and over again while eating his chocolate. 

"This is stupid." To the surprise of the team Spencer takes the cube and smashes it against the rest of his chair after stocking for a moment not solving it immediately making Henry flinch back and Rossi putting an arm between the two. 

"What is?" 

"It's not making sense." He does it over and over again until the stim stops and Morgan crouches down in front of him taking the cube and putting the piece that broke out back in. "Stupid. Broken."

"Not broken see?" Gently he places the magic cube back in his hands. "Now deep breath and try it again." When it comes to not understanding things his frustration level is very low mainly because he is just not used to it but he gets the hang of it again and quickly after it was solved and Morgan mixes it up again. 

Never was he so thankful for Ernő Rubik for inventing this damn thing because as long as Reid was focussed on this he wasn't focussing on how it has been two hours without news.

Silently he mutters words to himself Morgan could make out as description to what his fingers are doing with the cube.

"Can I try too Spence?" Henry asks.

"This is mine."

"We could share." Spencer looks at Morgan questioning if he has to. 

"This is Spencer's. He needs it to keep his brain busy." 

"I am really bored."

"You can play on my phone." Rossi quickly offered while Reid slowly lost his patience over the next half an hour to the point were he had tears running down his face from exhaustion but no matter what Morgan said he wasn't leaving this hospital nor this room and eventually Morgan was seated on the floor his back to the wall and Spencer in his lab, hitting Morgan's collarbone repeatedly and he knows he is supposed to get up and leave but he can't. He is not going to leave him alone right now so he takes it, for what feels like in eternity and eventually Rossi finds a nurse that can provide something for Spencer's ears and it takes another twenty minutes till he stops hitting and hides his face into Morgan's neck mumbling something about JJ and the kid that no one could really understand. 

Spencer didn't leave the position and just slides his feet over the floor, pressing them down and speaking, a lot of speaking no one could make out and shielding himself from the world through Morgan, who wasn't allowed to touch him and the more the men moved around he wishes he could do anything to make him feel better.

"You okay?" Worried Hotch looks at him from his seat not far from them. 

"I just want to help him." Again he tries to touch Spencer's head but his arm was pushed down again. "Alright you are doing good,I am proud of you."

"JJ."

"She will be okay." Henry was sleeping on Garcia's lap, being exhausted from the excitement. They have been in the hospital for over six hours now which is normal but the original plan was not that the child is here. A babysitter was supposed to watch him but she got sick last minute so Will took him here.

Morgan's back was hurting as well as his tights from Reid's weight but he wasn't gonna complain about this instead he let's Reid keep leaning against his chest, Hotch's suit jacket shielding him from the world, he had allowed Morgan to touch him so the man had an arm with under the jacket keeping him in place while Spencer was barely awake. His knees are drawn up and he moves his right leg so that it regularly hits his other knee. 

"I hope JJ is okay."

"I know if she wouldn't be we would know." Careful Morgan strokes Spencer's cheek. "Close your eyes, you won't miss out on anything."

"I wanna see Will's smile when he comes into the room." This particular sentence, for some absurd reason, makes Morgan tear up.

"You will see it,I promise." 

"I wasn't there to see it when Henry was born. I wanna see it now."

"You will, I am gonna keep you awake." Hoping nobody has seen it he wipes a tear away from his cheek before sitting up better again. "Okay what about 'one word'?" It was a game they came up with.

"Who starts?"

"You."

"Lion." The next word Morgan says has to be somehow connected to this.

"Snake." 

"Poison"

"Apple." 

"What? Why apple?" Reid moves his head to look at Morgan. 

"The fairytale? With snow white?"

"That's really far off."

"It isn't." Needless to say Spencer fell asleep not even fifteen minutes later and Morgan couldn't keep it in. He had his nose buried in his curls , both of his arms wrapped around him and the tears just keep running down his cheek and then he accidentally sobs ones drawing the attention attention to himself and the other agents look at him in sympathy but then leaving him to his own business while Garcia made sure he is okay. They don't need words to communicate. "We've got this." The mumbles to himself before raising his head and taking a deep breath. When Will finally came into the room four hours later announcing that JJ bought a boy named "Micheal" into the world all tears had dried and especially when he was standing behind Spencer's chair when he held him, looking at him with all the love someone can have he felt nothing but pure happiness in his chest. Gently he squads down next to the chair and puts his hand on the baby's head. "Hey you." 

"Look how he smiles!" Spencer marks looking at Morgan. 

"Someone is already loving his godfather."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have trouble visualizing the house:
> 
> https://pin.it/1hps1Kl


	4. Chapter 4

Getting Reid out of the warehouse was the worst part. Morgan had at some point just wrapped his arms around his body and pulled him up while he was sobbing for his girlfriend and forced him to walk out of there. Out of the room, down the stairs, his sobs ringing long after that in his ears.

By the time they arrived at home, the sobs had stopped but it felt like Morgan had just taken Spencer's body out of there and nothing more.   
He was dissociating and it freaks Morgan out. Spencer tends to zone out for a couple of minutes but this was different. "I am here, I am here." He moves Spencer's legs up on the couch and puts his weighted blanket over them as an attempt to ground him. "Spencer?" No reaction so he let's him for a couple of minutes before admitting to himself that he can't do this and calling Hotch. 

"Is he okay?"

"No, please- please come here."

"What happened?"

"He is zoning out, he is not reacting-"

"Morgan listen,I need to handle things here, this is right know probably the best thing that could have happened. I will come by when I am done here?" He just hangs up on him and throws his phone onto the kitchen counter, pressing his palms into his eyes. This isn't fair. This isn't fair at all. He had watched Spencer sneak out over the last months to just call her and talk to her he sometimes drove him to a phone booth and then waited in the car,he was so in love it was adorable. The wide smiles when she picked up, the biting down his lip to not grin wildly when he gets back into the car he didn't see him this happy in months maybe years and then it went south and now he was broken down all over again. And it wasn't fair because Morgan had no idea how to fix this, the image of her being shot in front of him, of having to tell her he hates her, of him screaming for her. 

In the morning, the sun just rising, he got him into clean clothes and Spencer was back to at least showing a reaction to things that Morgan said but nothing more. No emotion, no words. 

Hotch stepped by at eight checking in, Alex at eleven and Rossi in the afternoon but he didn't talk, just sitting or lying on the couch cuddled in his blanket and with his stuff animal. Morgan didn't even dare to ask to get some food into him and was just glad that Spencer drank the tea and water. 

The third day the invite for the funeral came in the mail and Morgan placed it on the table in front of the couch but Spencer didn't take it.

The fourth day Morgan forced him to shower, still no word as been spoken.

The fifth and sixth day, they still wasn't any change but at the seventh Morgan and he got dresses in their black suits. Morgan tying Spencer's tie and driving him to the church. The team was there too and Spencer quickly signals that he wants to sit in the back of the church not with her friends and family so they do, and the team a few more rows behind them. Morgan and Spencer don't watch her get buried, he doesn't know if the team did but Morgan decided the service was more than enough for Spencer to handle and the man didn't have any obligations.

The eight day he still didn't talk and slowly Morgan started to doubt he is doing the right thing about letting him, but what would he do? Force him to speak? That wasn't any better in fact he is pretty sure that would be worse.

On the ninth day Hotch calls and asks if Morgan can come with them on a case.

On the fourteenth he does again.

And on the twenty fourth Morgan shows up at the office and JJ hugs him and he just breaks down in tears and Hotch feels guilty that no one thought about helping him more.

He talks for the first time again nine days later, Morgan was working from home and Spencer was sitting on the couch when he went to grab Morgan's phone calling Hotch and telling him exactly in which area the unsub probably grew up and then hangs up and goes up to his room. 

It took three more weeks for him to speak regularly again,in fact he started working before he did and was just communicating absolute necessaries and not even making a difference for Morgan. So he eventually snaps, yelling at Spencer to please talk to him and he knows it isn't fair. 

"I am fine." Spencer didn't understand why JJ was sleeping at their house for a few nights after this but he also didn't really care. 

"I love you,Spence." She tells him as she puts the blanket over him and somehow it's different from when Morgan says and does it but he can't bring himself to talk, he is so tired and his brain is so cloudy and it takes so much energy to make his mouth work. "It's going to get better again." She whispers and holds his arm and he doesn't pull back and just closes his eyes, he hears Morgan coming in and eventually he can smell his after shave. The men sits down in his bed and his hand starts laying on his face the thump moving up and down and that feels more like what JJ had said. 

And he mumbles a quiet "Thank you" and when he woke up Morgans head was laying on his stomach, one hand over Spencer's heart. JJ asleep in his old armchair that he normally has standing in front of his desk. 

Maeve will never sit there like she does or laying on his chest like Morgan but for the moment, for this quiet second were the sun shines through a through the leaves in his room causing golden stripes on the wall, he could pretend she does.


	5. Chapter 5

Birthday's are something Morgan fears by now because he will spend the whole day figuring out if Spencer is overwhelmed because he is excited or because it's the opposite.   
Routines are changed, People crowed him, the attention is on him, People act differently,it was not just a fun thing for Spencer and still Morgan tries every year to make him the happiest man walking on earth.   
In the morning JJ will come over and they will have breakfast together and then the day will hopefully go smoothly at the office and if they don't get called on a case the team with partners steps by in the evening. If they get called on a case they have settled on the next Friday,Saturday or Sunday after they come home to do so, just like they always do if someone's birthday gets lost in a case. It's just a reminder that they deserve to have nice things too and to just have time were they feel appreciated and the team can relax for an evening. Garcia was very protective of this tradition and everybody loved it.

"You changed your alarm to six?"

"Do you really think it is okay when we come in this late?"

"We are not late. JJ steps by at seven and even if we sit here for an hour we are probably still there before nine. Look at Rossi he doesn't show his face around before ten." 

"He stays longer."

"And what did we do today? We left the building at half past nine. That's late." 

"Hardly."

"C'mon Hotch won't say a thing. He knows about our plans and he won't be mad." Morgan grabs Spencer's blanket from the end of the bad and spreads it over the genius's legs. "Don't read to long or you will fall asleep with your face in your birthday cake."

"That's very unlikely but thank you for the advice." With a chuckle Morgan leans down and switches the light on the nightstand on. 

"Alright, dream something sweet." He switches the main light out and leaves the door with one little gap open and goes down in his office wrapping Spencer's present. He didn't want anything but they had just watched a few Marvel movies and Spencer had been over the moon so Morgan decided that buying a few comics and two movies would be a good idea. He knew from JJ that she went with an Cup that was Marvel themed and Doctor who figures that he doesn't have yet. When he got finally to bed he had sat the table and placed the presents at the end of it.

"Good Morning, birthday boy." With a huge smile Morgan opened the door to Spencer's bathroom further, Spencer leaves it open with a gap when he finished showering and was now brushing his teeth. "You slept well?" He got a quick thumps up and then left him alone to prepare pancakes and was surprised to get a call from his mother. "What do I own the pleasure?"

"It is Spencer's birthday isn't it?" 

"Yeah."

"I don't have his number. So-"

"I will go look for him." He finds Spencer in the bathroom, just putting his belt on. "It's for you"

"Who is it?"

"My mum." Confused Spencer grabs the phone and holds it against his ear. Morgan could still hear what was being said. 

"It's Spencer"

"Here is Fran I wanted to wish you a happy birthday."

"Thank you Mrs Morgan." Nervous Spencer looks down to the ground. 

"Do you two have any birthday plans?"

"JJ, a friend of ours will step by for breakfast and maybe the whole team in the evening if we don't have a case." 

"The luxury of having his birthday on a Friday. Is the weather as lovely as it is here?"

"Yes, we will be able to hold the celebration outside."

"Then I am wishing you all my luck that you can stay in town. And let my son spoil you today." She tells him and Derek dramatically roles his eyes making Spencer smile. 

"Thank you for the call Mrs Morgan."

"Always." She ends the call and Spencer hands the phone back to Morgan. 

"That was a surprise." He tells him.

"She cares about you. Plus she is a very detailed planner, its probably written in her notebook since I mentioned it ones five years ago." 

"That's nice." When he came downstairs a few pancakes were already stacked on a plate and he saw the presents on the table. "Are they for me?"

"No." Morgan prompts knowing Spencer is quiet behind his back because he is convinced and knows it is a joke but also doen't want to be rude if it isn't.

"You were messing with me right?" He eventually asks.

"I sure was pretty boy. Who else would be getting birthday presents today?"

"I don't know." He can held his curiosity in until JJ rings at the door with a cake in her hand and a gift bag in the others.

"Happy Birthday!" She says animated and with a huge smile on her face. 

"Thank you." 

"Let me put this down and then give you a hug." She follows him into the kitchen that is directly on the right after you step into the house. "Good Morning."

"Morning, I have the feeling you had enough coffee already." Morgan asks as he looked at the energetic women. 

"One more cup can't hurt." Carefully to not ruin the writing on the cake she puts it down and then places the gift back next to Spencer's seat. "Can I hug you?"

"Yes." 

After JJ, Morgan got his hug and then he was placed at his seat, and JJ hands him his present. "I hope you like it." He flaps his hands in excitement ones before grabbing inside the bag to remove the paper and then getting out the cup. "Morgan told me that you two watch the movies right know so I thought this would be perfect for your morning coffee." 

"Can I use it know?"

"Sure give it to me, I will wash it out." Morgan takes the cup and walks over to the sink while Spencer takes the smaller two packages out from the bottom. "What is it Pretty boy?"

"I need to unwrap it first." Carefully not to destroy anything he peals up the tape and the paper revealing the figure, the same with the other one. 

"I hope they are the ones you don't have."

"They are right, thank you JJ." She places a hand on his back and tells him that the letter he took out first is from Henry even if the handwriting kinda gave it away. 

Morgan's gifts were meet with similar excitement and especially the comics weren't able to get out of his hands again. 

"These don't look like files?" Amused Hotch points at the comics making Spencer grab a file and covering his comics with it. 

"What are you talking about?" If there is one thing Spencer can't do it's lying.

"Nothing. Happy Birthday." 

"I need to really keep working on this- this- file." Hotch had a hard time suppressing his smile.

"Then I will stop bothering you."

"Good." 

"I am taking you to lunch." Alex approaches Spencer's desk in the afternoon. 

"We never go to lunch."

"It's your birthday isn't it?"

"Yeah but I always go to lunch with JJ."

"She can come with us."

"It isn't the same." 

"It's okay Spence, I don't mind." JJ promises. "We already had breakfast together." He hesitates and then agrees to go with them for lunch. JJ and him go to this sandwich place whenever they have the chance too do so, so this is were they are going to now too.

"Do you know were Spencer is?" Morgan was looking for him to check in on him. 

"He went to lunch with Blake and JJ." 

"With both?"

"Yeah is there a problem?" He had hoped that by planning the celebration on the same night as the Birthday itself they could avoid any office surprises and changes.

"No all good. Thank you." 

They get a case in half an hour later, in DC so no need to travel but definitely to cancel the celebration and Morgan was almost glad but it lead to the urge of those who haven't congratulated him to do it now. "Come here." Sceptical Spencer steps one step closer to Rossi who takes his face in his hand and presses a kiss to each cheek making Morgan a little bit anxious about Reid's reaction. "Happy Birthday kiddo." 

"That leaves only me." Garcia steps around the round table, going for a hug but Spencer holds his arms up defensively stepping away from Rossi and her.

"I would really appreciate if you could stop crowding me."

"Nobody will crowd you anymore we have a case to discuss." Hotch reminds them and they start discussing it, going over the details and then they get separated in smaller teams. JJ and Rossi talking to the victims family, Alex to a witness, Spencer will stay to create a geographic profile and Morgan and Hotch go see the crime scene. And through some miracle, called Garcia, they didn't even need three hours, by seven the whole thing was done and the unsub arrested.

He not only must have been the dumbest UNSUB they had, looking directly into a security camera the police overlooked but also this must be the shortest case they ever had.

"I mean we could push back the paperwork." 

"Well I definitely could oversee it." Hotch supports Rossi's hint.

"And it is still early." Alex marks.

"What do you say pretty boy?" Morgan leans down wrapping his arms around Spencer who was sitting down. "You up for your birthday celebration?" 

"We didn't have time to decorate."

"We push it back for an hour we can still do everything like you wanted." Spencer had put a lot of planning into this and the thought about having to rush everything didn't sit right with him. "It will be fun."

"I don't think so."

"What do you say we drive home, we do everything like planned and then, I send a text message in the group chat announcing we are done and then everybody comes." 

"Would Jack and Henry still be able to come?"

"Of course." JJ promises and Hotch agrees too. It's a friday night. 

"Then we can do that." The room breaks out in cheers and Spencer immediately starts regretting it. Now that everything was kinda stressed he didn't really have fun preparing everything and half an hour in he just started crying, sitting down on the bench outside next to the table. 

"What's wrong?"

"This isn't what I wanted."

"It isn't?" 

"No, it's all fast and stressed and like in all those dreams I have when everything goes wrong right before an important event."

"Nothing is going wrong. Look we have the table sat and we clicked the skeleton figures on the glasses, we ordered the Pizza and we got changed. It's all good." 

"It doesn't feel like it."

"It is all going perfectly it is shortly before eight and remember Rossi's birthday? He started at eight thirty we are perfectly in time." Morgan steps on a chair to switch on the fairy lights above them. "C'mon I will text that we are ready."

"We aren't."

"We only have to get the drinks from the basement. That we can manage until they arrive."

"I don't want this anymore. This isn't right."

"It's a little bit to late for that." Morgan steps down from the chair and tries to put his hand on Spencer's shoulder but he pushes it away. "I am gonna write the message now."

"I don't care."

"Alright." Annoyed Morgan steps back into the house, giving him a few moments before walking into the basement to get some beer and other drinks. "You could help you know?"

"I don't want this. I hate this."

"Spencer, please just get the soft drinks from the basement." By the time Rossi arrives as the first person at the house Morgan was pretty sure Spencer was about to rip his head off but sometimes you have to force him to his luck. "You are the first." With a bright smile he laughs the tension away inviting Rossi in. "We are sitting in the garden tonight."

"I bought you something." Rossi hands Spencer the the black present, that you can tell by the shape is most likely a book. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks." Without looking up Spencer takes it from him and starts unwrapping it and Morgan was right it was an Italian first edition book.

"I hope you learned your vocabulary because otherwise that is going to take some time." Rossi was every since he joined the team the one trying to challenge Spencer's brain the most. 

Hotch and Jack were the next. "Happy Birthday Spencer!" The boy tried to hug him but Spencer moved back and Hotch puts an arm around his son making sure he doesn't try again. 

"I already said it this morning but happy birthday and thank you for having us."

"I didn't want that." He quickly announces and passes by Hotch and Jack into the kitchen.

"Jack why don't you go out to Uncle Dave?" Morgan asks. "I am pretty sure he can fill your glass with some Sprite." 

"Did we say something wrong?" Hotch had waited for Jack to leave the room. 

"No it's something about this not being right, I don't get it either." 

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No need to he is okay, just let him have his few minutes alone." He got out to Hotch and Rossi for a few minutes before going back in as the doorbell rang, he had seen Spencer sitting on the couch as he passed by. "Blake, thank you for coming."

"Of course,this is for you." She hands Morgan a bottle of scotch after hugging him.

"Thank you but you understood something wrong."

"Just a thank you for hosting this."

"Everything for him." He said and he meant it eventhough his behaviour right now is nagging at his nerves. "The others are outside I will show you out and Spencer is right around the corner if you want to try your luck."

"Try my luck?"

"Someone is a little bit ungrateful and moody." Morgan says loud enough that Spencer can hear it. 

"I am not being ungrateful."

"Then maybe go out to your guest instead of sitting here." Both of them got a little bit louder than usual.

"Maybe-" He could feel Blake's hand on his arms. "Its no harm if he needs a few minutes." 

The others arrived slowly after JJ, Will and Henry being the last and she tried her luck in getting Spencer to join them. "What's going on?" She sits down on the coffee table, in front of Spencer. 

"It's not what I- what I imagined. What I planned."

"Why not?"

"It's too late, it's not the food we wanted to make, it's not- it's- it feels wrong." 

"Maybe this isn't bad." 

"It's wrong." He keeps playing with the magic cube in his hands, turning it over and over again and then handing it to JJ to mess the order up again.

"What do you think about me messing this up one more time and then we go out to the others?"

"But don't turn it just two times, make it hard."

"I will,I promise. I am not tricking you okay?" She keeps her promise and so does he. He finishes the cube and puts it back into her hand and then following her out of the house. 

"Spencer!" Henry gets up from his seat hugging him. "Happy Birthday." 

"I really don't want you hugging me right now." He forces out, lightly pushing him back by his shoulder.

"But it's a birthday hug!"

"Henry he didn't want mine either it's okay." Jack says.

"Not everyone wants hugs all the time, sweetie." JJ tries tucking a strain of Henry's hair behind his ear. 

"Did you get my letter?"

"Yes, it's in the kitchen."

"Did you read it?"

"We had to go to work but I will read it in the morning." He promises and sits down in a chair next to Rossi, his leg moving constantly up and down and when then he was pushed from multiple people to eat something after the Pizza arrived something in him snapped. "Quiet." He yells and it works,everyone at the table immediately shuts up. "Quiet, quiet,quiet." Frustrated he hits the armrest of his chair with his palm. He repeats the word over and over again while Garcia takes Jack and Henry inside. 

"Everybody out. To noisy, to loud." He bits out while he keeps hitting the chair.

"Not gonna happen kid." Morgan gets up from his seat approaching him. "Here is what's gonna happen. You will take one deep breath and we will talk about what is wrong."

"Quiet." 

"We are."

"I hate you." He moves his foot to the left, lightly kicking Morgan against his knee. "I hate you. I hate you."

"Don't." Morgan grabs his foot. "Tell me what is wrong or I can't help you with it."

"Wrong. Everything is wrong."

"We did everything like it is written on your plan."

"Emily."

"What is with Emily?" Frustrated that Morgan doesn't understand him he tries moving his food again. "Try again, what is wrong?"

"It's wrong. It's wrong."

"Can you name it? What is wrong?"

"My birthday."

"What about it is wrong?"

"Everything. Everything."

"No. What is wrong?"

"Wrong. Mom. Emily."

"Okay we are not getting any further with this. Stand up." Spencer does and Morgan makes him go up the stairs into his room. "I don't know what is wrong okay? So you have two options right now. Say you want me to stay with you here or stay here alone."

"Alone."

"Good I will go downstairs and I will be back in fifteen minutes so we can talk about this." It doesn't happen often that he has absolutely no idea what is going on and he probably won't know it until Spencer is calm enough to explain it himself. "Any one a beer?" He asks sarcastically the group quietly sitting around the table but gladly the two children got the conversation going again and so Morgan sneaked back up after fifteen minutes. "You okay?"

"Sorry." His legs was still moving up and down, one hand on his neck, his fingernails burying into the skin. "Sorry, I- I- I-" Morgan closes the door behind him and pulls up Reid's chair sitting in front of him. "I-I-Can't"

"Can I touch you?" A nod and the Morgan reached for Spencer's hands holding them in his own. "Can you answer yes or no question for me?"

A nod.

"Are you ears okay?" - yes

"Eyes?" - yes

"You need pressure?" - No

"Alright that's good. You mentioned Emily is she okay?" No answer.

"Did you two spoke today?" - No

"Is that the what is wrong?" - Yes

"You are worried?" - Yes 

"And your mom? The same thing?"

"No letter. No birthday letter." 

"Alright we can call both of them and check if everytime is alright." Morgan dials Emily's number first. 

"Is everything okay? Do you know how late it is over here Morgan?"

"I was gonna ask you the same thing. Are you okay?"

"Yes. Why wouldn't I be?" Morgan could see the hurt flashing across Spencer's face. "Morgan?"

"I have Spencer with me we were just worried."

"Well I am alright thank you for checking in." 

"Have a good night." Apologetic he looks at Reid who had tears in his eyes that threatened to roll down his cheek. "Let's try your mom."

"Its late. They won't like it."

"For the money you pay them they can pick up the damn phone to answer me if she is okay." The phone rings twice before someone picks up saying their name and the one of the facility. "This is Derek Morgan, I am registered as Family of Diana Reid and would like to know if she is okay?"

"One second." They was a moment of silence and then she announces that she is going to connect them to another nurse. "This is Jessica Palmer, you called about Mrs Reid right?"

"Yes."

"Mrs Reid was put under temporary stronger medication this morning, we have our hands full we apologise that we didn't call sooner." 

"How is she now?"

"She got her sleeping pills two hours ago so she is asleep. Her Dr. will be in; in the morning for further details." 

"Thank you."

"No problem, have a good night." And the line went dead and Spencer broke out in tears. 

"I am so sorry." He pulls Spencer into a hug letting him cry until he collects himself and wipes the tears of his face and stands up. 

"We can go back down."

"You don't have to." 

"I do." When they step outside the others immediately quiet down and Spencer just stands they for a second, clenching and unclenching his fists and then speaks up. "I am sorry I behaved the way I did. I was sad because my mom and Emily didn't congratulate me. We called them and Emily forget that it was my birthday and so did my mom because apparently she has gotten worse again. This is the first time she ever did forget it and I am really sad about it. But I am grateful, despite what you may think, that Morgan and the rest of you didn't forget it." With every word he spoke Morgan could feel the air being pushed put of his lunges and by the end he could feel his heart skipping a beat so he goes and wraps his arms around him from behind, whispering that he will never forget his birthday and that they are going to fly out to Vegas and see what the change in the medication is about while the tears just keep running down his face. 

"I love you, you hear that kid?"

"Thank you." 

When Emily woke up to a voicemail from a very angry Garcia he maybe was glad that an ocean is separating them. And maybe Spencer got the biggest birthday package with a long handwritten letter from her a week later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have trouble visualizing the house:
> 
> https://pin.it/1hps1Kl


	6. Chapter 6

They had planned this for months, Diana had let her son convince her to stay with them for the Christmas days and Fran was also in town, staying in a hotel.

And the morning had been a dream, Spencer and his mother staying at home while Morgan shows his mom the city and now they were cooking together while Spencer had went up to his room for a few minutes needing the Quiet and when Morgan came back up from the basement after getting wine and Spencer in the exact moment back down they walked together towards the kitchen hearing their mothers talk and Morgan stopped him with a hand over his mouth pulling him against him to hear what they were saying. 

"This is just a beautiful kitchen. I love my kitchen but god what would I give to have one like this?" Reid understood so Morgan takes his hand down and they continue listening.

"It is very like Spencer." Diana says.

"When Derek grew up I never thought he would live like this, I thought it was going to be a penthouse that costs more than he can afford and something he can show off." 

"I imagined Spencer would live on a nice farm. With animals and maybe a beautiful wife and kids somewhere were no one can find him." Morgan looks at Spencer's smile, he didn't knew that Spencer wanted that as a kid. "I didn't imagine him doing this. With the government."

"They are things you wish as a mother you kid doesn't do but Derek's father was a cop and who would I be to try to convince to not live the life he always wanted to have. And I mean our son's do an amazing job."

"They are all fools there, they don't deserve my son's brain." Diana curses. "I am glad he has Derek. I can live with my son doing this job when I know he is with him." She pauses for a moment. "You raised the perfect man."

"Thank you Diana."

"He is looking over my boy, he is taking care of him and you should be proud of him." Spencer could feel Morgan tugging him closer. "He is an angel."

"Oh believe me, I am proud of him."

"I don't expect anyone to understand my son. I didn't many times, but Derek never gave up on that. And I will forever be grateful to your son for doing so. He deserves the world." 

It wasn't until late at night when Spencer turned around facing Morgan as they share his bed since Diana is sleeping downstairs in Spencer's and Morgan studies his relaxed face for a moment and is a little bit spooked when he suddenly speaks. "Why do you love me so much?"

"It's just your face."

"Then you would date me."

"Good one. Maybe because I like how you are sleeping on my arm till its numb?"

"Then you would also date me. We hardly ever sleep in the same bed."

"Maybe I should date you." Derek jokes and Spencer scrunched his nose and shakes his head slightly, still laying on his arm and having his eyes closed. "Well you tell me? Why do you love me?"

"Because you are kind to me. You don't make me feel redicules. You don't laugh at me and you don't question me. You help me and you don't judge me for what I need help with. You are always there and you are very funny sometimes. And you are very good to have fun with. You cook really good and you build nice things. You teached me a lot of thing, a lot more than Gideon did and you always keep me safe in the field. When you make fun of me it's the good kind of fun and you never did it in a bad way even if I was really young and weird when we first met. I like that you always play with my hair and that you hug me so often. I also like that we always share a room on cases eventhough we don't have to. I think it's really funny how we always cheat playing cards to win against the others. And I am really glad we drive to work together in the morning eventhough you don't find it necessary to be there this early. I love that you let me read and we don't have to talk all the time even if we are eating and you were raised to have a proper conversation over dinner. I find it calming how you always understand me even if I don't talk. I guess that's it." If Spencer would have opened his ears he would have seen the tears just coming out of Morgan's eyes but who would he be if he didn't hear that he is crying by the way his breathing had changed. He was pulled tighter, his head now resting on Morgan's chest and he wonders for a moment if he said something wrong but he throws that through away pretty prickly. "Guess I could have also just said because you have so many muscles." He attempts to joke.

"Well then you would date me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you can find the Series in which Savannah moves in with them (no worries this series will be continued as well):
> 
> [ **To get to know you**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29641464) (3271 words) by [**Fangirlmoon**](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlmoon)  
>  Chapters: 3/3  
> Fandom: [Criminal Minds (US TV)](https://archiveofourown.org/tags/Criminal%20Minds%20\(US%20TV\))  
> Rating: General Audiences  
> Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings  
> Relationships: Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid, Savannah Hayes/Derek Morgan  
> Characters: Derek Morgan, Spencer Reid, Savannah Hayes  
> Additional Tags: Autistic Spencer Reid, Autism, Caring Derek Morgan, Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid Friendship, Worried Derek Morgan, Spencer Reid Angst  
> Series: Part 1 of [To build a family](https://archiveofourown.org/series/2178036)  
> Summary:
> 
> Spencer finally meets Savannah.
> 
> [In this AU Morgan and Spencer have lived together in the same house for years when Morgan and Savannah get serious she moves in with them and later Hank too. The parts can be read independently.]

**Author's Note:**

> If you have trouble visualizing the house:
> 
> https://pin.it/1hps1Kl


End file.
